Saying good-bye to Mom, Rachel, and Ian won't be easy. I didn't expect that saying good-bye to my dad a few days earlier was going to be as hard as it was, so there's no way this will be any easier. Yep, Mom's already crying and I haven't said anything yet. Wait, something's wrong with Ian and Rachel too. What's going on? "Grandma died last night." Sweet Jesus, I talked to her just two days before and she was doing fine, now she's gone. What a day this has been and it's just 4:30 in the morning. I look at my mom and I don't know what to do. What do you say to somebody who just heard that she lost her mother? Especially when I'm about to leave her also. I've never seen her this upset, at least it's been years since I have.
Grandma? I remember how proud you were when I told you that I had been accepted to Berkeley. You were one of the first to know. Now you're gone forever. The whole situation has me in shock. I just stand there speechless. I knew this would be hard, but now it's become more difficult than I could ever imagine. Kyle's at the door, I quickly hand him my stuff and tell him I'll be down to the car shortly. First I say good-bye to Rachel and Ian. I tell them to look after Mom, she'll need them to be there for her more than ever these next few days. I need them to be strong for her. They need to be what I cannot. I have faith in them. Rachel and Mom have always been close and Ian is still her little baby, even if he is 17. I know she's going to be in good hands.
Now it's time to say good-bye to Mom. I don't say anything, there's nothing to be said. I don't know what is hurting her more, grandma's death or me flying the coup on the same day. I want to stay but I know I can't. I want to be able to be there for her now, but I know that's not possible. I just give her a big bear hug, that's all that I can do and I know that's all she wants. All of a sudden she straightens up and asks me if I'm sure I packed everything I needed to pack. This reminds me why I love her, no matter what happens, she'll never stop being Mom.
I get into Kyle's car, I see all my belongings in the back and Kyle and Mel are all smiles. I can barely talk and all I want to do is break down into tears but I don't. I think I'm still in shock. Now it's time to pick up Brent and hit the road to San Francisco. Like for most of my life I'm trapped in my head during the drive, I don't display my emotions, I'm Cancer refusing to leave the confines of my shell.
The sun begins to rise as we approach Los Angeles on the freeway. I can see the LA skyline in the distance and I wonder to myself how much I'll miss this place. I finally realize I'm leaving my safety net; time for new surroundings whether I like it or not. The day has just begun, but I'm ready for bed.
